Cuntee Confession: The Art of Girl Math

Cuntee Confession: The Art of Girl Math 

I’m convinced that if women were in charge of the economy, we’d either solve inflation or bankrupt the entire country with girl math. No in-between. But let’s be real: girl math is a mood. It’s the unspoken genius of financial decision-making that makes sense—just not to anyone else. But somehow, we still manage to justify every last purchase. 🤷‍♀️

If you’ve ever done any of these things, you, my friend, have also mastered the art of  girl math.

Scenario 1: The Sale Justification

You're scrolling through Instagram and suddenly, an ad for a sale appears. You're like, "Okay, that's cute. I'll just buy one thing and be done with it." But...there's a sale. So if there was no sale, it would cost way more, so you have the special option to use the sale to your advantage. So girl math tells us that if you don't buy two or three items, you're actually losing money. 

Let me explain:
“I recently saw a sale that was too good to pass up: ‘Buy one, get one half off.’ Naturally, I bought four. Because girl math says if I only bought two, I’d be wasting the half-off deal. Honestly, I saved money by spending more—financial literacy, baby.”

Look, the goal here is to save money, right? So if you buy more things, it’s like you’ve earned the discount. It’s fine. You got a deal. And that, my friends, is how we justify purchasing things (that others say) we don’t need.

Scenario 2: Paying in Cash = Free Money

Here’s a classic: paying with cash feels like spending Monopoly money. You walk into Target with $50 in cash, buy a few cute things, and walk out feeling like you’re the luckiest woman alive. That $50? Doesn't count. Why? Because once it leaves my wallet, it’s no longer my problem.

“I paid for my iced coffee with cash the other day, which basically means it was free. Because once the cash leaves my wallet, it’s no longer my concern. I will not be answering further questions.”

It’s not just the coffee; it’s every little purchase. If it’s cash, it doesn’t count. You can’t prove it exists, and you certainly can’t make me feel bad about it.

Scenario 3: Returns as Income

Now, let’s talk about returns. You return an item you don’t need (because, let’s be honest, who buys something they actually need anymore?), and when the store gives you that refund, BOOM. Suddenly, you feel like you just won the lottery.

“I returned a few pair of jeans that didn’t fit and suddenly felt like I just got a $70 raise. You can’t tell me that wasn’t extra income.”

It doesn’t matter that you originally spent the $70 in the first place, because now you’re rich. You’re basically making money every time you return something. Don’t try to argue with me on this one. We all know the math checks out.

Scenario 4: Your Daily Dose of Caffeine Math

Okay, this one is a classic. Every day, without fail, you go to Starbucks. You get your venti caramel macchiato (with extra whipped cream because why not), and it costs you $5. But girl math says…

“Five dollars a day on coffee? Nah. Girl math says it’s only $25 a week. That’s basically the price of a Target candle. And if you break it down by hour, it’s like I’m only paying $0.52 an hour to be caffeinated. You can’t get a deal like that anywhere.”

It’s only $25 a week. That’s totally reasonable. And hey, you’re saving time (and emotional energy) by getting your caffeine fix on-the-go. That’s a self-care investment, not an unnecessary expense.

Final Thoughts: The Art of Girl Math

So yes, I may have a closet full of things I got a deal on, and a slight (okay, major) coffee addiction, but at least I’m financially literate. I’m practically a hedge fund manager at this point.

Girl math is the art of rationalizing purchases in a way that is 100% illogical, but also 100% relatable. So next time you justify buying something you don’t need or spend money in a way that defies reason, just remember: you’re not being irresponsible; you’re just using girl math to make the world a better (and more fun) place.

Keep thriving, and may your financial decisions be ever so questionable. 💅